Star Tricked - the Next Perpetration

Episode 5: Star Quirk
by Megaera and Brenna Lorenz and Malachi Pulte
This is a radio script parody of Star Trek, in which the Enterprise entertains some mysterious visitors, and we learn about a quirk in Data's programming.
Drawing of Dr. Soong meeting Yoda, by Megaera Lorenz
Dr. Soong meets...well, you'll see.
Drawing by Megaeral Lorenz
 
MUSIC: THEME MUSIC/BREAKOUT
 
PICARD These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise... A long time ago, in space far, far away... wait a minute. That's not right! Where did that come from? Data, just see how you've messed me up! Now I can't even remember that stupid boldly go thing! You do it!
DATA Yes, sir. Space, the final frontier in a galaxy far, far away...
PICARD Oh, you can't do it right, either! I...
MUSIC: FADE INTO STAR WARS THEME
 
PICARD What the... what happened to our music?!?
DATA I do not know, sir. That music is not familiar to me.
PICARD Oh, well... I guess the producers changed it again without even telling us. Now how did that boldly go thing go again?
MUSIC: STAR WARS THEME
 
NARRATOR Star Warped, er, Tricked, is brought to you by Redox, Inc. And now, a word from our sponsor.
MUSIC: CHEESY EASY LISTENING PIANO MUSIC
 
CHEESY KID Daddy, I need you to help me with my science project!
ECHO VOICE What would my family do if I weren't there to help them?
CHEESY AD GUY What would they do? What if you were to become assimilated by the Borg? Your family couldn't collect life insurance, because you wouldn't be dead. So what you need is the Redox Assimilation Insurance Plan. The Redox Assimilation Insurance Plan allows you to provide for your family for the duration of your existence in the Borg collective! So sign up today. Ask for special benefits for Starfleet personnel.
CHEESY KID I love you, Daddy!
SINGERS Making things better -- Redox!
MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME FADES INTO STAR WARS THEME
 
PICARD Captain's log: We were able to cure Commander Riker of the shnoogie-woogums virus and the resulting Torgoism, with the aid of Dr. Bojangles's cure. We are now trying to find a way to kill the latent shnoogie-woogums virus. In addition, we have added new members to our crew: the early twentieth century musician, Don Redman, and his orchestra. We are now docked at a Starfleet outpost maintenance and repair station in the Caldorian sector for minor hull damage that we received in the Solar System.
NARRATOR At the repair station, the Enterprise is subjected to a surprise inspection.
INSPECTOR Well, Captain, I have to congratulate you. This is the cleanest ship I've ever seen. And, uh, frankly, Captain, we'd like to know your secret.
PICARD Well, thank you, but I don't know what you mean by "secret."
INSPECTOR Cockroaches, Captain! We didn't find a single one. Every starship, starbase, and planet is infested with them, all except yours. We'd give a lot to know how you do it.
PICARD Oh... well, I don't really know how we do it. I had never thought about it before, but now that you mention it, I guess I haven't seen any cockroaches on board since the first few months I was on the Enterprise. I suppose you don't really think about them unless you see them.
INSPECTOR Well, if you figure it out, we'd appreciate it if you'd let us know.
PICARD I certainly will.
NARRATOR Following the repairs, the Enterprise crew is leaving the repair station for the Starfleet medical research base in the Eldrekron system, when they encounter a Klingon ship.
UHURA The Klingon vessel is hailing us, sir.
PICARD On screen.
KLINGON Captain Picard! We are considering taking this as an act of war!
PICARD What?!
SFX: TRANSPORTER
 
PUFFIE Oh boy, oh boy! I'm back home on the Ennerpwithe wiff all my fwennie-wennieth again!
KLINGON We'll let you off this time. But watch your step in the future, Picard.
PICARD But we didn't...
SFX: VIEW SCREEN TURNING OFF
 
UHURA The Klingons have cut off communication and are leaving the system, sir.
PICARD Oh, no...
PUFFIE Hello, evewybody! I'm so, so gwad I'm back. I'm gonna sing my widdle hello song! (TUNELESS SINGING) I wuv my widdle fwenni-wennies, an' I wuv my home on the Ennerpwithe, an' my happy widdle famiwy...
DATA Puffie...
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: FOOTSTEPS
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
DON REDMAN Hey, cats, what gives?
PUFFIE Hi! You must be a new member of our widdle famiwy! I'm so gwad you're here! I wanna give you a big hello hug!
DATA Puffie, Spot desperately wishes to see you.
PUFFIE Oh, all wight. But I really wanna talk to our new fwenny-wennie.
DATA Later, Puffie!
PUFFIE Okay!
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: SKIPPING FOOTSTEPS
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
DATA I do not understand. That is the second time that Puffie has been retrieved from deep space after having been tossed out the air lock. The odds of that happening even once are minute. The odds of it happening twice are so small that I must conclude that it was not due to chance.
DON REDMAN Just who, or what, was that Puffie thing?
DATA Puffie is my brother.
DON REDMAN Well, that's a real fraughty issue, gate. He's a dracula!
WORF This is ridiculous! Why can't we get rid of him?!
PICARD I must say, I don't understand how he keeps getting found.
DON REDMAN He's another one of those machines, isn't he?
PICARD Yes, he's a highly defective android.
DON REDMAN Maybe he sent out some kind of a signal. That's what I'd do.
RIKER What...?
PICARD Yes, that's it! Puffie must have a beacon! It's the only explanation!
MUSIC: SHARP STAB
 
NARRATOR Star Tricked, The Next Perpetration, will return after this message. 
SFX: VULCANS CHANTING AND GONG BANGING IN BACKGROUND
 
VULCAN MOM In order to achieve pure logic, your offspring must learn the art of rituals. You can teach everything from mating rituals to life-restoring rituals to birth rituals in a matter of a few weeks with Hooked On Rituals, a logical learning system available for only 1400 galactic units.
VULCAN CHILD Mother, I require a dead chicken.
VULCAN MOM Ever since we got Hooked On Rituals, my offspring has willingly engaged in even the most complicated rituals of our culture. Hooked On Rituals. To order it now would be the most logical course of action.
VULCAN CHILD Live long and prosper.
MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME FADING TO STAR WARS THEME
 
NARRATOR Picard, Geordi, Data, and Dr. Crusher are examining Puffie in sickbay.
GEORDI Hmmm. I'm not sure what this is. Data, could you take a look at this thing?
DATA Please do not ask me to examine Puffie's guts, Geordi.
GEORDI Data...!
DR. CRUSHER Maybe that is a beacon. It doesn't look like ordinary cybernetic hardware to me. (SIGHS)
PUFFIE Are you sad, Dr. Cwusher?
DR. CRUSHER Yes, Puffie. I had perfect happiness once, but my colleagues saw fit to cure me.
PUFFIE Aw, Dr. Cwusher...
PICARD Beverly...
GEORDI Yes, this device is capable of variable-frequency and high-energy output. It is some sort of beacon. I'm going to remove it...
PUFFIE I have a message...
LORE'S VOICE I see you have found Puffie's rescue beacon! How clever of you to have figured it out. Now, don't go trying to remove it. Because if you do, you will detonate a powerful nuclear device! Yes, Father, sweet little Puffie is armed -- but only for his own protection! (EVIL LAUGHTER)
PICARD Oh, no! This is terrible!
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: FOOTSTEPS
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
PICARD Ambassador Spock, what a surprise!
SPOCK I was told I might find you here. I am here to ask a favor.
PICARD We would be happy to assist you, Ambassador.
SPOCK My offspring, Sock and Soredick, have recently graduated from Starfleet Academy. I would like to request that they serve on the Enterprise.
PICARD I would be honored to have them.
SPOCK Thank you. Live long... and may the Force be with you. No, that is not correct...
PICARD I believe it's "Live long and... and... follow the yellow brick road," or something like that.
SPOCK That is not logical! Live long and trust in the force! No, that isn't right either. Something is seriously wrong, Captain. Vulcans have perfect memories.
GEORDI The way I remember it, it's "Live long, and may prosperity be with you."
SPOCK No. This loss of memory is not logical. Why cannot I remember this most basic of Vulcan rituals?
MUSIC: SHARP STAB
 
NARRATOR Star Tricked, The Next Perpetration, will return after this message from our sponsor.
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SINGERS Making things better -- Redox!
MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME FADING TO STAR WARS THEME
 
NARRATOR Ambassador Spock has returned to his own spacecraft, and the Enterprise has set course for Omicron Theta in the hopes that Dr. Soong may be able to figure out how to cure Puffie, or at least to disarm his nuclear device. Geordi LaForge, Data, Will Riker, Captain Picard, Puffie, and Don Redman are on the bridge.
GEORDI We're entering orbit around Omicron Theta, sir.
DATA Sensors are picking up a small spacecraft of unfamiliar make, sir.
PICARD Oh? On viewer.
 SFX: VIEW SCREEN TURNING ON
 
PUFFIE Oh, boy! Maybe we can meet some new fwennie-wennies!
DON REDMAN It looks to me like their situation is sadder than a map.
RIKER If that means they're crashing, I think you're right. (SIGHS)
PICARD My God! They are crashing!
DATA What should we do, sir?
PICARD We must send out two teams. One to find Dr. Soong and one to assist the crash victims. I must say, I don't think I've ever seen a ship of that type before.
NARRATOR Later, the two teams beam down to the planet surface. Dr. Crusher, Data, Worf, and Captain Picard beam down to the site of the crash to look for survivors while a team of security officers searches for Dr. Soong.
SFX: PLANET SURFACE SOUNDS
SFX: MULTIPLE FOOTSTEPS
 
PICARD What an odd-looking ship. At least it doesn't appear to be too badly damaged.
DATA Captain, two mechanical devices are emerging from the ship.
WORF I believe they are a pair of robots, sir.
C-3PO Oh, dear. R2, this must be your fault. Just look at the mess we're in!
R2-D2 Beep! Boop blaaaat.
C-3PO You watch your language! I say... who are those people? Hello, down there! Can you help us, please?
PICARD Yes, that's what we're here to do. Please identify yourselves. 
C-3PO I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations. I am a protocol 'droid, fluent in over sixty million forms of communication. All my facilities are at your service. This is my counterpart, R2-D2. I know this is all R2's fault. I told him not to tamper with the hyperdrive, but he just wouldn't listen. You must help us! This is so terrible... Oh, dear, I do hope that you are able to save Master Luke...
RIKER Great. He talks almost as much as Data.
DATA I do not believe that to be an accurate statement.
PICARD Well, don't start an argument now. Let's go in.
NARRATOR The Enterprise's team enters the crashed ship.
SFX: TRICORDER
 
DR. CRUSHER (SIGHS) Well, I'm picking up five life signs. They're unconscious, but not badly hurt.
WORF I believe I have found someone.
C-3PO Oh, that's Master Luke. You can save him, can't you? Oh, dear...
DATA Here is another.
C-3PO Oh! Captain Solo!
PICARD Ah. The captain of this vessel. And here's another.
C-3PO Princess Leia! You must help her; she is Master Luke's sister.
RIKER Here are two others. I don't recognize these life-forms.
C-3PO Those are Master Yoda and Chewbacca.
PICARD How curious. Well, I suppose we'll be finding out about them soon enough. (INTO COMMUNICATOR) Enterprise, twelve to beam up.
SFX: TRANSPORTER
 
C-3PO Oh! (FADE)
R2-D2 Ooooowow! (FADE)
NARRATOR The injured crew of the spacecraft are brought to the Enterprise sickbay. Dr. Crusher and Dr. McCoy examine them while Don Redman, Geordi LaForge, Captain Picard, Data, and C-3PO look on. Don Redman notices Yoda.
DON REDMAN Oh, man! Feast your glims on that green faust! That is one frompy queen.
PICARD I beg your pardon?
DON REDMAN That is to say, that's the ugliest woman I've ever seen!
PICARD Woman?!
DON REDMAN Well, I think so...
PICARD I... I don't believe that's a woman. At least, I hope not...
DR. CRUSHER Actually, according to my tricorder, he's right. This is a very old human female.
PICARD Human?!
BONES I don't believe it! Your tricorder must be broken. Here, let me try mine.
SFX: TRICORDER
 
BONES Well, I'll be damned. Mine says the same thing! Human female, top physical condition.
PICARD Top physical condition?!!
BONES Well, for her age, anyway.
R2-D2 Beep-bleep wheeo!
C-3PO Oh, wonderful! Master Luke is waking up!
MUSIC: SHARP STAB
 
NARRATOR Star Tricked, the Next Perpetration, will be back after this message.
CHEESY GUY Say, honey, could you bring me a beer?
CHEESY LADY Coming right up, dear. (IN ECHO VOICE) Ralph always insists on fresh beer, but that's too expensive! I'm going to give him Fletcher Paste Fermentation Concentrate and see if he notices.
CHEESY GUY Say, this is good! It tastes like it's fresh from the brewery! What brand did you say this is, honey?
CHEESY LADY It's freshly mixed Fletcher Paste Fermentation Concentrate, dear.
CHEESY GUY I don't believe it! How can concentrate taste this good?
CHEESY AD GUY That's right! Made from a blend of the finest products grown in our vats around the galaxy, Fletcher Paste Fermentation Concentrate tastes so good, you won't believe it's not real beer!
CHEESY LADY Cheers, honey!
SFX: GLASSES CLINK
 
CHEESY SINGERS Fletcher Paste Concentrates -- taste great!
MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME FADING INTO STAR WARS THEME
 
NARRATOR And now, back to our program. The strangers from the other ship have awakened, and are trying to make sense of the situation.
HAN SOLO Just where the hell are we? And who are you people?
PICARD We might ask the same of you.
HAN SOLO Are you part of some branch of the Empire?
PICARD Empire?
DATA We are part of Starfleet.
LUKE I don't understand. How did we get here?
HAN SOLO I don't know, kid.
GEORDI Can you describe what happened just before your ship crashed?
HAN SOLO We had just made the jump to hyperspace, and when we came out of light speed, there was this planet right in front of us. The gravitational force pulled us right in.
LEIA That's right, some strange planet just hopped right out in front of you.
HAN SOLO Well, it did! I know I made the calculations right... there weren't supposed to be any planets there!
YODA Ruh... heh... I sense a disturbance in the Force. Yes, heh! In a different universe are we!
LUKE But. Master Yoda... that's impossible!
PICARD Another universe! But how...
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: FOOTSTEPS
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
PICARD Ah, Dr. Soong! Have you had any luck with Puffie?
DR. SOONG No, I haven't. I don't know what you expected, anyway. If I could have fixed him, why the hell do you think I would have sent him to you?
PICARD Well, I...
YODA Wooh! Sexy are you!
DR. SOONG Hey! Stay back!
LUKE Yoda! I didn't know you were homosexual!
YODA Heh? What? Homosexual? Female am I! Your mother am I!
LUKE What?!!!
YODA Yes... Your mother am I. So strong in the Force am I, that gone through menopause I have not.
LUKE (ANGUISHED) Noooooooo!!!! It's not truuuuuuue! It's impossible!
LEIA Yoda is... is Luke's mother?! Oh, my God! That means that she's... she's my mother, too! That can't be right!  I remember my mother!
YODA Heh... your foster mother that was.
LEIA Noooooo! It's not truuuue!
HAN SOLO Well, you know what they say: If you wanna know what a girl's gonna look like when she's old, take a look at her mother!
LEIA Why... you...
YODA Heh... come, come, you sexy one. Come with me you must...
DR. SOONG No! Hey! You can't do this to me! Put me down! You can't levitate me! Hey! Where are you taking me? Put me down, I say! Hey...
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: FOOTSTEPS AND YODA CACKLING AND SNORTING, SOONG HOLLERING
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
DATA I believe that the green woman wishes to function with my father. Perhaps I must reassess my earlier estimation of Father's sexual attractiveness.
DON REDMAN I suspect you had it right the first time.
R2-D2 Wee-wooooo!
C-3PO R2! That is not appropriate! We haven't even been introduced yet.
DATA I cannot understand his vocalizations. What was his meaning?
C-3PO You must forgive him! He's only an R2 unit!
DATA But what was his meaning?
C-3PO Oh, dear! He says that you have a nice ass.
DATA Unfortunately, I am unable to return the compliment. The R2 unit does not appear to have an ass.
R2-D2 Deet-deet-doo!
C-3PO R2! I can't imagine that painting an ass on yourself would make you attractive to him. Besides, I doubt seriously that your hardware is compatible with his. Or your software, for that matter.
NARRATOR A few hours later, Dr. Soong and Yoda encounter Geordi, Riker, Picard, and the rest of the guests from the other universe in Ten Forward.
MUSIC: DON REDMAN AND HIS ORCHESTRA IN BACKGROUND PERFORMING "SHAKIN' THE AFRICAN"
 
DR. SOONG (WHISTLING TO HIMSELF AND MUTTERING) Wow! Heh, heh, heh.
RIKER (GLUMLY) Well, you sure look happy.
DR. SOONG Well, you know, Yoda may not look like much, but... man, is she good! Heh, heh...
YODA Ruh, heh, yes! When nine hundred years old you be, know a few tricks you will, too!
HAN SOLO Look, Yoda, we've got to get back to our own universe. Can't you use your "incredible powers" to get us out of this dump? The beer here stinks!
YODA Very difficult that will be.
LUKE I don't wanna go back! This universe has more babes! Besides, all the human women in my universe seem to be related to me.
YODA Go back you must! Your destiny it is.
LUKE It just isn't fair! Everyone's always telling me about my destiny.
PICARD Before we attempt anything, we should try to repair Captain Solo's ship.
GEORDI I think Data's already gotten a good start on that. He's been down at the crash site for hours. He finds it fascinating.
PICARD Yes, the technology of another universe would be fascinating.
HAN SOLO Well, he'd better be careful with her, that's all I can say. If he's not, I'll sic Leia's mom on him.
LEIA Han!!
HAN SOLO What? She is your mom...
LEIA Well, Chewie's probably your mother.
HAN SOLO Chewie's male!
LUKE No, she isn't! Er, I mean...
HAN SOLO What the heck...?
LUKE Nothing!
HAN SOLO Chewie... what's going on here?
CHEWBACCA Grrrr. Rooo-row. Nguuur!
HAN SOLO What?! You're a babe? And you never told me? I could have had a girlfriend all that time and I never knew it!
CHEWBACCA Grrrow. Errow!
HAN SOLO I'm "not your style!" Well, thanks a lot! What's Luke got that I haven't got??
CHEWBACCA Nguur.
HAN SOLO He's cute??! I don't believe this...
LEIA What the hell is wrong with the girlfriend you've got??
PICARD Now, don't start fighting! We have to figure out a way of getting you all back to your own universe. For that matter, we have to figure out  how you got into this one!
SFX: Q APPEARING
 
Q How, indeed! (OBNOXIOUS LAUGHTER)
PICARD Q!
MUSIC: SHARP STAB
 
NARRATOR Star Tricked, the Next Perpetration, will return after this message.
KLINGON BABE Well, ladies, it's Klingon mating season again! Are you sure you're ready? You'd better be, because I am... with Weasel Moan, the new Redox scent designed especially for Klingons. Weasel Moan is a special blend of pheromones, mercaptans, sulfides, and Klingon secretions that has been scientifically formulated to combine with your own natural body chemistry to drive a male into a mating frenzy!
KLINGON MALE Hroowarrr!
KLINGON BABE Weasel Moan for Klingons. Because, if he's not in the mood, you won't get screwed!
KLINGON SINGERS Making things better -- Redox!
MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME FADING INTO STAR WARS THEME
 
NARRATOR While Captain Picard tries to convince Q to send the guests back to their own universe, Geordi LaForge, Chewbacca and Han Solo join Data on the downed ship, the Millennium Falcon.
HAN SOLO Where the hell are those 'droids? I could use R2's help with these repairs.
CHEWBACCA Grroww! Eroo!
HAN SOLO Yeah, that Enterprise is so damn big, I didn't even know where to start looking for them, either.
GEORDI Well, I guess we should find out what Data's been working on all this time. (CALLING) Data? Where are you?
DATA I am in here, Geordi.
GEORDI Come on, let's go see how he's doing.
SFX: MULTIPLE FOOTSTEPS
 
GEORDI So, Data, how far have you gotten on the repairs?
DATA Geordi, I have not been repairing the ship.
GEORDI You haven't?
DATA No.
GEORDI Then, Data... what have you been doing down here all this time?
DATA (CONTENTEDLY) Hunting, Geordi.
GEORDI Hunting?? Hunting what?
SFX: SKITTERING NOISE
 
DATA Ah, there is one now! Excuse me, Geordi. (AFTER A PAUSE) There! I have captured it.
SFX: CRUNCHING, SLURPING AND GULPING
 
GEORDI (APPALLED) Data! What are you doing?!! That was a cockroach! You just ate a cockroach!
DATA I know, Geordi.
GEORDI But... Data...
DATA Forgive me, Geordi... I forgot to share it with you. Let me catch another one, all for you.
GEORDI No!!! Data, I don't want a cockroach! That's disgusting!
DATA You are mistaken, Geordi. There exists nothing more appealing for both flavor and texture.
HAN SOLO Texture?
GEORDI Don't ask... I don't want to know...
DATA Yes, Captain Solo. Cockroaches have the delightful juxtaposition of a crunchy outside and a creamy interior. And if you are careful in removing the carapace, you can enjoy the exquisite sensation of malpighian tubules wriggling and writhing on your tongue...
GEORDI Data, why do you eat cockroaches? I thought you didn't have to eat anything!
DATA It is part of my programming, Geordi. And I use them to replenish certain trace elements. Ah, look, there is another. This ship is full of them!
HAN SOLO Help yourself!
SFX: CRUNCHING, SLURPING AND GULPING
 
GEORDI Oog!
NARRATOR After the repairs are made, Geordi, Han Solo and Chewbacca return to the Enterprise, where Geordi confronts Dr. Soong.
GEORDI Did you know that Data eats cockroaches? He says it's part of his programming.
DR. SOONG Yeah, all my androids do that. I had programmed them to eliminate cockroaches upon detection, but not specifically to eat them. You could say it's a, heh heh, "bug" in their programming, but I haven't bothered to try to correct it. It seems minor enough.
GEORDI But it's disgusting!
DR. SOONG So don't watch!
GEORDI Ugh! Well, I guess it explains why we haven't seen a roach on this ship in so many years. I'll have to tell the captain. He was asking about that just the other day.
DR. SOONG See? It's not such a bad thing.
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: MULTIPLE FOOTSTEPS
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
PICARD Well, here we are. I've managed to round up everyone except those 'droids.
GEORDI Q, are you going to send them back?
Q Well, I don't know. It's so much fun this way.
PICARD Please, Q! You must!
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: METALLIC FOOTSTEPS AND WHIRRING SOUNDS
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
C-3PO Oh, dear, this ship is so confusing! I thought we would never find you, what with all those corridors and this stupid bucket of bolts taking all the wrong turns.
R2-D2 Beep-pooweeoo!
C-3PO Oh, don't be ridiculous.
PICARD What did he say?
C-3PO He says that he wants to stay here. He's become infatuated with one of the 'droids on board your ship, and frankly, I don't know what R2 sees in him.
GEORDI Not Data...?
C-3PO No, the other one. Puffie.
PICARD Puffie?!
R2-D2 Beep-boop!
C-3PO He says he'll only go back if he can take Puffie with him. He's ever so stubborn about this sort of thing.
PICARD I think that's an excellent idea!
Q Oh, no. That would never do. Puffie is too much fun right where he is.
HAN SOLO Who the hell is Puffie?
SFX: DOOR OPENING
SFX: SKIPPING FOOTSTEPS
SFX: DOOR CLOSING
 
PUFFIE Here I am, evewybody! I wanna give evewyone a great big hug! Oh, hello, R2! You're my special li'l fwennie-wennie.
R2-D2 Bweep-Booweoow!
PICARD That is Puffie, Captain Solo.
HAN SOLO God! I have to agree with the Q guy. That 'droid should definitely stay here!
LUKE What kind of 'droid is that, anyway?
LEIA And I used to think 3PO was annoying...
R2-D2 Berrep-bweep booooo!
C-3PO R2, I really don't think you're in any kind of position to insist on anything!
PICARD Puffie, do you not wish to go home with your new friend?
PUFFIE Aw, I really wuv my new widdle fwiend, but I wuv my Ennerpwithe famiwy, too...
PICARD Puffie, wouldn't you like to see another universe?
PUFFIE I dunno... I haven't theen all a' this one, yet!
Q Well, that sounds like an answer for you! Puffie doesn't want to go!
PICARD Q...
Q Besides, I need Puffie here. That Lore has shown genius beyond my wildest expectations. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I will send the others back. Of course, there will be a price...
PICARD What is the price?
Q (EVIL LAUGHTER) That's for me to know and you to find out!
MUSIC: SHARP STAB
 
NARRATOR Tune in next time for another exciting episode of Star Tricked, the Next Perpetration!
All contents copyright © 1998 Brenna Lorenz, Megaera Lorenz, Malachi Pulte. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction of any part of site without express permission is strictly prohibited.


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