If I Ever Get a Job Again

If I ever get a job again,
I will never be a snob again;
I'll live within my means,
Carry a dollar in my jeans,
If I ever get a job again.

If I ever get a break again,
Brother, what I'll do to stake again!
No turning out the light,
Bidding my appetite good night,
If I ever get a break again.

I'll get two rooms and a kitchenette,
Furnished comfortably;
With two rooms and a kitchenette,
I'll get a sweet somebody to move in with me!

If I ever get a job again,
I know that two hearts will throb again,
She told me with her eyes
We'll be rehearsing lullabyes,
If I ever get a job again.

If I ever get a job again,
I will never be a snob again!
I'm through with stocks and bonds,
I'd rather spend it all on blondes,
If I ever get a job again!

If I ever get my pay again,
I'll save it for a rainy day again,
But let me tell you, bud,
I'm gonna save up for a flood,
If I ever get my pay again.

I'll get two suits and an overcoat,
Like a millionaire!
Just two suits and an overcoat,
And then when things get better, I'll buy underwear!

If I ever get a job again,
With my old friends I'll hobnob again,
What great fun it will be, saying
"Just have one more on me!"
If I ever get a job again.

Published 3/31/00.

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