Poop Rhymes, Riddles and Sayings

compiled by Brenna E. Lorenz


Poop Rhymes

Poop Riddles

Poop Sayings

Poop rhymes from the schoolyard: a treasury of childhood pooplore

Mama Mia

(from Little Rock, AR 1984)

Mama Mia,
Papa Pia,
Baby's got the diarrhea!
Mama said it wouldn't hurt,
So Daddy ate it for dessert!
 

Diarrhea, Bum, Bum

(from Chicago, IL 1973)

Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Some people think it's funny,
But it's really dark and runny,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It needn't cause you pain,
You just sit and let it drain,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It's painful as it issues
From those hot and burning tissues,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It's stinky, brown and smelly
As it chugs out of your belly,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
It's made of corn and beans
And it comes in shades of greens,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!

(contributed by NakedEwok)

When you're standin' in the shower
And you smell somethin sour,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you're slidin' into home
And your pants are full of foam,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you smell somethin' funky
And your pants are feelin chunky,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!
When you're sittin' in a class,
And that fart let out more than gas,
Diarrhea, bum, bum,
Diarrhea, bum, bum!

(contributed by Vadar)

Some people think it's poop,
But it's really Campbells soup!

(from Newfoundland, 1983)

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
Some people think it's funny,
But it's good with toast and honey,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(from Erie, PA, 1989)

I wake up in the morning, put my foot to the floor,
Make a fifty-yard dash to the bathroom door,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
No pain, no strain,
Just let it drain,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
Some people think it's gross,
But it's really toast.
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
Sittin' in the pool,
And I felt something cool,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!
I was walkin' down the hall,
And I felt somethin' fall,
Diarrhea, uh! uh!
Diarrhea, uh!

(contributed by Kryptoman)

Some people think it's gross,
But it's really good on toast!
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by Dwheeler4jesus)

Diarrhea..uh uh
Diarrhea..uh uh
Set on the pot
And give it all you got!
Diarrhea..uh uh
Diarrhea..uh uh
People think its funny,
But it is really hot and runny!!
Diarrhea..uh uh
Diarrhea..uh uh

(contributed by Mae M., from Youngstown, OH, 1989)

Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to first,
Pants about to burst,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to second,
Can't wait another second,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to third,
Laying little turds,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!
Going to home,
Pants are full of foam,
Dia-uh-uh!
Dia-uh-uh!

(contributed by Dan)

Wake up in the morning, put your feet on the floor,
Do the fifty yard dash to the bathroom door,
Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into first,
And you feel something burst,
Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into third,
And you lay a juicy turd, (or) And you feel a floppy turd. (alternate line contributed by Mllindmeyer)
Diarrhea!
When you're sliding into home,
And you feel something foam,
Diarrhea!

(contributed by John M.)

When you hit and run to first
And you feel you're gonna burst
Diarrhea, diarrhea!
And off you run to second,
You can't wait another second,
Diarrhea, diarrhea!
You make it on to third
And you feel a squishy turd,
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by anonymous)

When you're sitting in the lodge,
And you feel like you've been hit by a Dodge,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're sittin' in the grass,
And you feel something slide out your ass,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Julia1G)

When the cops are on your trail,
And you have a monkey tail,
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by DbandKaiko)

When you feel a big sag
And people want to gag,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by BACC4MORE)

If you're sliding on a slide,
And you feel something glide,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Sonya, 1999)

Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're carrying your bags and you feel something sag,
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
When you're swimming in the ocean and you feel an explosion,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're walking in the rain and you feel something drain,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're swimming in the pool and you feel something drool,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !

    (contributed by Cletus027)

When you are sitting in the bath and you hear a big ol' splash..
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
Diarrhea cha cha cha!

    (contributed by Porschfrk, 1999)

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're taking a dump
And you look like Forest Gump,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're riding in your Chevy (or) When you're sittin' in your Chevy (alternate line contributed by Shag5855)
And you feel something heavy, (or) Your pants are gettin' heavy (alternate line contributed by Abs0lutelynot)
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're standing by the wall
And you feel something fall,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're sitting in your chair
And you feel something tear,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you're working out
And you hear your ass shout,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
After you eat Chinese
And you hear your ass say, PLEASE!
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When you eat a Big Mac
And you feel something crack
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
When your ass is very hairy
And you feel a dinkleberry,
DIARRHEA! DIARRHEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (contributed by Cheetah, 1999)

Diarrhea, diarrhea!
When you're watchin' TV
And it feels like a pee
Diarrhea, diarrhea!
When you're sliding into 3rd
And you feel a squishy turd
Diarrhea, diarrhea!

    (contributed by 3-Tude-3, words by Piper H.)

If you're climbing up a ladder
And you feel something splatter,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're sitting on your bed
And you feel something spread,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

    (contributed by MMK)

When you're sitting in the dirt,
And you feel something squirt,
Diarrhea!

    (contributed by AceManAL)

When you get out of bed
And you see some lead,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

    (contributed by HwFViCEPreZ)

If you're riding into town
And you see something brown,
Diarrhea!
If you're riding in a Pinto
And something flies in the window,
Diarrhea!
If you're riding in a taxi
And you feel something waxy,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're driving in a Ford
And something pops out of a board,
Diarrhea!  Diarrhea!
If you have a cat
And you see some scat,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're sittin' on the pot
And you think it's gettin' hot,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you feel something runny
And you don't think it's funny
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you see a brown nut
And something pops out of your butt,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you see something dark and runny
And it's comin' from a bunny,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you feel you need to defecate
But you just can't wait,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

    (contributed by SURFDOODES)

I was digging with a shovel
And I felt something bubble,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

    (contributed by DMX68287)

When you're hootin' with the owls,
And you have to move your bowels,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

    (contributed by Vickey1212)

Diarrhea!
Diarrhea!
You can tell
By the smell
That you ain't feelin' well !
Diarrhea!

    (contributed by Charles)

I smell diarrhea! cha cha cha cha cha!

It's yellow and green,
Shouldn't have ate that bowl of beans;
It stinks so bad
It made me sad;
The pepto didn't coat it,
Now my ass is going to explode it...

I smell like diarrhea! cha cha cha cha cha!
 

Yum, Yum, Bubble Gum

(from St. John's, Newfoundland 1983)

Yum, yum, bubble gum,
Stick it up the baby's bum;
When it's brown
Take it down,
Yum, yum, bubble gum!

Yum, yum, bubble gum,
Stick it up the teacher's bum;
When it's black,
Take it back,
Yum, yum, bubble gum!

Birdie, Birdie

(from Syracuse, New York, 1968)

Birdie, birdie, in the sky
Dropped some whitewash in my eye;
I don't worry, I don't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly!

(from Cottage Grove, MN 1974)

Birdie, birdie in the sky,
Drop a tirdie in my eye.
I don't fret and I don't cry,
I'se just glad that cows don't fly!

(contributed by Zarpad, 1999)

Birdy, Birdy in the sky,
Why'd you do that in my eye?
Looks like coffee, tastes like spit... or Looks like ice cream, tastes like spit... (contributed by Jody)
Oh my god! It's birdy shit!

That's Amore!

(contributed by Andrea H.)

When a cow in the sky
Drops a pie in your eye,
That's amore!

Little Robin Redbreast

(from Syracuse, NY, 1963)

Little Robin Redbreast,
Sitting on a pole,
Niddy-noddy went his head
And poop went his hole!

We're Eating Horse Manure

(from Syracuse, NY 1964)

We're eating horse manure,
We found it in the sewer;
Horse manure, fun to eat!
Horse manure, what a treat!
Horse manure! Horse manure!
 

Milk, Milk, Lemonade

(All accompanied by appropriate gestures)

(from Fayette, IA, 1958)

Milk, milk, lemonade,
Round the corner, fudge is made.

(from Cottage Grove, MN, 1974 - these lines are often added to the previous ones)

Put your finger up the hole,
Out will come a tootsie roll.

(or, alternate version contributed by K8KINS)

Stick your finger in your hole,
Now you have a tootsie roll.

(contributed by DGNR81106, 1999)

Stick your finger all the way,
Out pops a Milky Way!
Stick it up a little more,
Out comes a fudgy s'more!

(from Jainesville, WI, 1964)

Push the buttons, pull the chain,
Round the corner, fudge is made.

(from Dewitt, AR, 1972)

Push the button, pull the chain,
And out comes a chocolate choo-choo train.

Nanna, Nanna, Boo-Boo

(from Little Rock, AR, 1985)

Nanna, nanna, boo-boo,
Stick your head in doo-doo. (or poo-poo)

The Flying Turd

(from Jacksonville, AR, 1960)

The days were old, the nights were blue,
And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.
A bump was hit, a cry was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd!

(contributed by Mary S.:)

The sky was black, the moon was blue,
And down the alley the shit wagon flew;
A bump was hit, a scream was heard,
And Johnny was hit by a flying turd! [Substitute the name of your choice for Johnny.]

(contributed by KMD8993)

The night was dark, the moon was blue,
Around the corner the shit wagon flew;
Johnny stood there and couldn't say a word; [Substitute the name of your choice for Johnny.]
He was choking on a flying turd!

(contributed by NakedEwok)

The night was dark, the sky was blue,
Around the corner the poop wagon flew.
Shots were fired, a scream was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd.

In Days of Old

(contributed by ShiftyTrax)

In days of old
When knights were bold
And toilets weren't invented,
They left their load
Beside the road
And walked away contented.

Stranded

(from Plano, TX, 1972)

(to the tune of Branded)

Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl,
What do you do when you're stranded
And you don't have a roll?

To prove you're a man,
You must wipe with your hand,
Da - Da - Daaaa... Stranded!

To prove you're a girl,
You must wipe with a curl,
Da - Da - Daaaa... Stranded!

Here I Sit

(from Buffalo, NY, 1979)

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Paid a dime but only farted.
Yesterday I took a chance,
Saved a dime but shat my pants.

(Submitted by Mary:)

Here I sit, broken-hearted, (or)   There I sat, broken-hearted,  (variant submitted by John M.)
Had to shit but only farted.  (or) Tried to shit but only farted. (variant submitted by Angelfan)

(Submitted by RaiderEp:)

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted!
Here I sit in a trance,
Tried to fart, but shit my pants!

(Submitted by BigZ)

Here I sit all broken hearted;
Paid a nickle to shit and only farted.
If that nickle broke your heart,
I hope you shit every time you fart.

    (Submitted by SlarryMBOB)

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted;
Then one day I took a chance,
Tried to fart but shit my pants!

   (Submitted by Aryeh G.)

Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',
Giving birth to another Texan.

    (Submitted by Louise L.)

As I sat on the pooper,
I gave birth to a new state trooper!

Some Come Here

    (Submitted by bob cowboy)

Some come here to sit and think,
But I come here to shit and stink!

Here I Sit to Take a Shit

    (Poem from Mike B. of Ohio, submitted by Aaron O.)

Here I sit to take a shit;
I pushed a load,
But nothing showed,
I realized something was amiss,
I came in here to take a piss.

Billy Baker

    (Submitted by Mary S.)

Billy Baker, the candlestick maker,
Wiped his butt on a piece of paper;
The paper was so thin
His finger slipped in
And, oh, what a hell of a shape Billy Baker was in!

Those Who Write on Shithouse Walls

    (Submitted by Scott)

Those who write on shithouse walls
Roll their shit in little balls;
Those who read these words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit.

Over the Hills and Far Away

    (Submitted by Calvin T.)

Over the hills and far away,
I saw something; it looked like clay.
I picked it up and ate it;
Oh, my God! It's a piece of shit!
 

Poopy, Poopy in my Pants

    (Submitted by Cheetah)

Poopy, poopy in my pants,
Please, oh please, I need another chance!
Poopy poopy in my bum,
Musta been the juicy plums!
When I think about it
I really gotta shout it
POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joy to the Poop

    (Submitted by Cheetah)

Joy to the poop,
I flushed it down;
It made a gassy sound
But when I crap soon
There might be an explosive boom!

Here It Is In Smelly Vapors

    (Submitted by HtsCheese)

Here it is in smelly vapors,
Someone stole the toilet paper.
How much longer shall I linger
Till I'm forced to use my finger?

Cinnamon Plop Biscuits

    (Submitted by Mr. Buttsy)

A family restaurant - delicious
Eggs and sauasage-bacon vicious
I run and shit out rocks of Christmas
Thanks to Bob's drop-plop biscuits.

Maybe

    (Submitted by Pookee316)

MAYBE I"ll fart and maybe you'll smell it,
Maybe I'll put in a jar and sell it...
And if you really like the smell of it you can come in the bathroom next time I take a DOOKIE!!

Me Mudder

    (Submitted by KMD8993)

When me prayers are poorly said, who tucks me in me little bed and spanks me 'til me ass is red, me mudder.
Who would me hair so gently part, and hug me close up to her heart, and sometimes squeeze me til me fart, me mudder.
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit, and nearly had a king size fit, when in me Sunday pants me shit, me mudder.
When at night the bed did squeak, me raised me head to take a peak, who yelled at me " go back to sleep", me fadder.

I Had a Turd

    (Submitted by NakedEwok)

I had a turd whose name was Sal,
Sixteen miles on the anal canal.
 

Poop, Poop

    (Submitted by EVILinPINK14)

Poop, poop, stinky and brown,
The more I sniff, the more I frown,
The more I crap the more I smile,
So let's take craps all the while!

Tubby, Tubby Two-By-Four

    (Submitted by TufFeet262)

Tubby, Tubby, two-by-four,
Couldn't fit through the bathroom door,
So she did it on the floor,
Licked it up and did some more.

Mambo #5

    (Submitted by Allison, Erica and Kelly)

1-2-3-4-5
Come on, everybody, let's poop and jive!
All da way to the poopy land
And we can play together in the poopy sand.
    [Chorus]
A litlle bit of kaka in my pants,
A little bit of poop covered ants,
A little bit of kakasha all da way,
A little bit of bull shit in da hay,
A little bit of doodoo; baby. do you want some?
Hey! get the poo off my bum!!

Whatcha Eating?

    (Submitted by TrollForce Programming Team)

Whatcha eating?
    Chocolate pudding!
Where'dja get it?
    Doggie dropped it!
Where'd he drop it?
    In the sewer.
What do you call it?
    Dog manure!
 

This is the Story of a Man

    (Submitted by who)

This is the story of a man
Who pooped a river and blew it away with a fan;
Then he scooped it up with a can;
When he saw what he had done
He saved it till he he was forty one
When he came to be that old
The can was full of mold;
This is what everyone says:
He drank it anyways.
 

Me Flooding the Toilet

    (Submitted by Alyssa)

Two little doodies sittin' in a potty,
One went down and the other one was naughty!
 
 

Poop Riddles

Why did Piglet look in the toilet? He wanted to see Pooh!

What do toilet paper and and the Star Ship Enterprise have in common? They both fly around Uranus looking for Klingons. (Submitted by Mary S.)

Why are turds tapered? So your anus won't slam shut after it comes out. (Submitted by Brian)

Why are turds always tired? Because they're pooped out! (Submitted by Cheri and Mike D.)

What do you call a 12-inch turd? A foot stool! (Submitted by Malachi Pulte)

What do you do when you are eaten by an elephant? Run around and around till
   you're all pooped out. (Submitted by TrollForce Programming Team)
 

Poop Sayings

"I need to poop so bad I've got lumps in my throat."
"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day." - Harry S Truman, contributed by UprightCitizen1.
What you say to someone who is hard to understand: "You sound like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples." Contributed by Shari J. of Sacramento, CA.


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Updated 4/17/01.

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